#TBT: Four Reasons Last Year's Resolution Failed
...AND HOW TO SET YOURSELF UP FOR SUCCESS IN 2018
Let's be real.
Most of us go along with New Year's Resolutions because everyone else is doing it and because the world agrees that the first day of the year is the perfect time to start living our best lives.
i have nothing against resolutions, i just understand that they often fail because we set this goal without really preparing to execute on it, and without really knowing why it's a goal to begin with.
All of that can change this year. We can finally follow through on our New Year's resolutions. or any goal we set for ourselves. any day of the year.
LET'S PLAN TO SUCCEED.
below are the 4 reasons our past resolutions failed, followed by rima recs for resolution success this 2018:
1- the Resolution was not So SMART
for those of you unfamiliar with SMART goals, I'm not calling your dreams and ambitions stupid. SMART is an acronym to represent the following criteria that every goal should meet: specific, measurable, attainable, relevant and timely (this article does a great job explaining SMART goals in more depth). i don't care if your 2018 resolution is to stop cussing, workout x times a week, or save money, it needs to be SMART, or you are literally setting yourself up to fail.
before you set your smart goal, watch me workshop my 2018 resolution until it's smart:
Ri'S (VERY ROUGH) 2018 RESOLUTION:
I WILL ENGAGE IN A MORNING ROUTINE THAT HELPS ME CONNECT SPIRITUALLY
what do i specifically want to do?
- Ri's Resolution Edits: I will engage in uninterrupted reading, writing, meditation or prayer to start my day
how can i state this goal in measurable terms?
- Ri's Resolution Edits: My morning routine will last at least 30 minutes
is this goal attainable?
- Ri's Resolution Edits: Yes, I know I can commit 30 minutes in the morning to this routine, and I am giving myself several options for the routine so I don't get bored with it and quit.
is this goal relevant to my overall journey/purpose (or your #roadto_/"WHY")?
- Ri's Resolution Edits: Absolutely. I need to feel more connected to God and more present in my day to day activities, so this resolution will truly be a game-changer along my #roadtorima.
am i giving myself a timeframe to complete/engage in this goal?
- Ri's Resolution Edits: My goal is ongoing and does not have a completion date. However, I am doing this every single morning unless I someday decide I no longer need a morning routine (i.e. I find connection and presence elsewhere in my day).
Ri'S FINAL 2018 RESOLUTION:
I will engage in a [30 minute] morning routine [that includes uninterrupted reading, writing, meditation or prayer] [every single morning after I wake up] to help me connect spiritually and be more present throughout my day.
WRITE IT DOWN
I know i just went super teacher on you, but i promise it's not hard. simply take the goal that you currently have in mind, and measure it up against all five criteria. rewrite the goal in its final version. share it with a friend or two. this is the first step in holding yourself accountable/setting yourself up for success this 2018. i'm already excited for you.
2-You Got Caught Up in the What Instead of CATCHING UP WITH YOUR "WHY"
Notice that the "R" in SMART stands for Relevant. This one is a bit deceiving because it seems like "relevancy" is on an equal playing field as the other criteria. Really, the relevancy of your goal should be the driving force behind committing to your 2018 resolution. If your resolution is not relevant to your overall journey or #roadto_, then the likelihood of you following through is very slim (to none!). start thinking about your "why" today so you can make sure you decide on a resolution that is grounded in something you are actually invested in.
In my post about Healthy Gamechangers, I talk about how I only started meeting my health/fitness goals when my "why" was clear. what if i told you that any goal or resolution that failed was due to an underdeveloped or irrelevant "why." Your "why" must be crystal clear. most people get caught up in the "whats" of their goals, instead of catching up to their "why," and oftentimes, these "whys" are much deeper than we give ourselves credit for. don't believe me? let's play a game.
THE THREE WHY ACTIVITY
Think about your resolution right now: write it down or say it out loud.
now, Ask yourself why you want to attain that goal. write it down or say it out loud. be honest.
Great. Now ask yourself "why?" to that first response. dig deep.
Awesome. Now, ask yourself "why" to that, too. yes, you can dig deeper. yes, it should be emotional. it might even hurt a little. you're lucky if it makes you cry.
CONGRATULATIONS LOVE, YOU HAVE JUST IDENTIFIED YOUR INTERNAL COMPASS.
That third "why" should drive everything that you do. hold on to that response. make sure you're living in your truth this 2018.
Instead of getting caught up in "what," let's catch up to our "why."
3-YOU WERE AFRAID TO ENVISION SUCCESS
the law of attraction talks about envisioning your success to ensure you will get there.
There was a really compelling story in the movie "The Secret" where a man's son was looking through some old boxes and pulled out his father's old vision board. When the father saw the vision board he created over ten years back, he started crying. Why? He saw the picture of his dream house that he added to that board and realized that he and his family were now living in that house.
think about the last goal you committed to and failed to achieve. when you created this goal, you envisioned success, even for a brief moment. you thought about what it would look like if you were to achieve that goal. and then something really sad happened: you urged that thought out of your mind as quickly as you could because you were afraid to get attached to it; you were scared to set yourself up for disappointment; you were terrified to have expectations.
who told you to be afraid to believe in yourself, to be scared to set your own standard, to put off make promises to yourself? i'm here to tell you that your fear may be crippling you, and that you deserve to keep the promises you make to yourself.
Before I reached my health and fitness goals, I had to see myself as the healthier, fitter and happier me. Before I began studying for my GMAT, I had to envision myself as the girl who improved over 200 points in less than three months. Inception of the brain is an extremely powerful tool that we need to leverage in crafting and committing to our New Year's Resolutions. Believe it, and you will be there. the following activities have allowed me to vividly envision (and thereby achieve) success:
CREATE A VISION BOARD
- this activity is so much deeper than a pretty poster that you hang in your bedroom or office (although it's that, too lol). when you go through magazines, google images searches, and other resources to try to find graphics or words to symbolize your overall vision, you are quite literally filtering through the various messages, images and other stimuli that you engage with on the daily and determining which of those are symbolic of your dream. that, in itself, is such a healthy way to prioritize, to cleanse, to decide what you're about. and obviously, having it there to see every day ensures that you are attracting those commitments into your life. heck, write your why on this board too!
SPEAK IT INTO EXISTENCE
- seeds will grow when you nurture them. this can go for negative and positive seeds alike. so why waste your breath, energy or thought on nourishing seeds of negativity? speak positively on your life, on your journey, on your goals. i don't care if you write them down in your top-secret diary and read it to yourself or if you scream them atop mount Kilimanjaro, just give life to your goals by saying them out loud. get used to how it sounds. make them the soundtrack to your life. your favorite lyrics. words are sacred, use them to help you win. you promised.
4-YOUR MIND WAS POWERFUL ENOUGH TO CONVINCE YOU THAT YOU COULDN'T DO IT
"Whether you think you can or you think you can't - you're right."
Our mindset ties directly into #3. our mindset affects every single thing we do and singlehandedly guarantees us either success or failure. (especially because lack of success doesn't equate to failure). our minds are so ridiculously powerful; they're even powerful enough to convince us otherwise, that what we think or believe doesn't matter. this sort of spiritual poison is what has been happening all of these years. Pay attention to your thoughts. if they are anything less than positive, cleanse them. forgive yourself for being conditioned to speak negatively on your process, and keep changing your thoughts until they are strictly positive.
One of my favorite poems that speaks directly to the power of the mind is "Our DEEpest Fear" by marianne williamson:
Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There's nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, Our presence automatically liberates others.
- take five index cards and write five affirmations about yourself. five things you know to be true. keep the poem in mind. don't be afraid to speak highly about yourself. think of your greatness as you write these affirmations. think of who you're doing it all for. think of what impact you can have on the world if you commit to always being as great as you really are. hang these cards up somewhere - add them to your vision board if you really want to be a star in 2018.
WRITE YOURSELF A LETTER
- I did this when I was trying to get over a toxic relationship earlier this year. I wrote myself a letter called "you promised," and outlined exactly what I intended to do and exactly how i was going to do it. i encouraged myself. i loved myself. i reassured myself that it would all be okay. i held myself to the highest standard. i sealed the letter with a friendly reminder: "you promised." and i never turned back. my mind is so powerful, and so is yours.
I know, i know. I've given you lots to think about, and it's still december! but guess what? when you take your goals and promises to yourself seriously, it takes some serious preparation. I guarantee you, if you follow these tested and true recommendations, you will be a goal-getting guru.
i'm so excited to make 2018 our greatest year yet.