The Art of Closure: How to Create Your Own
NEWSFLASH: YOU. CAN. CREATE. YOUR. OWN. CLOSURE.
I can't tell you the amount of times I've used or heard the word "closure" when Discussing any kind of relationship (even to inanimate objects lol). More often than not, closure is that ideal last interaction with anything we love or once loved; closure is our parting wish, the feeling that we did and said everything on our hearts before moving on.
i have nothing against wanting closure. I always need my closure. It just hurts my heart when "lack of closure" prevents us from being free, from disengaging with toxic relationships, from forgiving ourselves for not saying or doing everything we could, from continuing on our journey towards truth and excellence. Because guess what? Things don't always go as planned, and some things truly are better left unsaid.
I believe in freedom, so in order to be free, more times than not, we need to create our own closure.
1-Make Peace by Forgiving and Even Forgetting.
yeah, i said it (in my Ri Ri voice), the better f-word: forget. I was always so cliche when i used to say: "I forgive, but I don't ever forget." 🤦🏻♀️ No offense, but this catch-phrase, while often true about me, is actually really immature. It's like we're trying to low-key threaten the person who has hurt us but in reality, we're just letting them know that the relationship's toxicity is still living rent-free in our minds and hearts. I have always been extremely good at forgiving, But I'm still not so great at the forgetting part. I used to think that not forgetting was something to brag about, but I'm realizing now that creating real closure requires that we forget.
I don't mean forget like amnesia. You will probably always be able to recall a memory that has some emotion attached to it. I mean forget like 🗣 just stop talking about it. Clear it from your mental. Stop thinking about it. Control, Alt, Delete. I'm not telling you to live in denial, I'm telling you to accept it and just move on. the books I've been reading have taught me that our pain stems from assumptions that we make about other people's intentions. to make matters even more unnecessarily painful, Half of the things we "remember" are so clouded in our own insecurity and fear - we're most likely not even storing that memory accurately.
If you truly want to begin creating your own closure, you need to work on forgiving AND forgetting about that pain.
2-Drop everything & love, regardless. Regardless.
🗣🗣🗣 Regardless! I know. I don't know what you're going through. I don't know what s/he did to you. I don't know what the last thing you said to your dad before he passed was. I will never claim to know what someone else is going through, but i still stand by this truth. He texted you what? drop it and respond with love. She said what? drop it and respond with love. they stole your parking spot? drop it and respond with love. Just try it. please trust me on this one. I've tried meeting hatred with hatred, anger with anger, fury with more fury, aggression with aggression. It's so much harder. drop everything and Choose love every single time, and watch your soul set itself free right before your eyes.
In my grief lessons post, I spoke about a revelation I had earlier this year when I was dealing with issues that needed closure. The revelation came in the form of a powerful declarative: "Drop everything and love." now, This sentence means the world to me, and I think about it multiple times a day. "Drop everything" invites us to truly be free: to drop the situation, to drop whatever may seem like it takes precedence over love, to drop the emotional baggage we may be carrying. I can't tell you how much lighter my heart has felt since I learned to drop everything and love.
it's practically fluttering. 💗
to achieve closure, you must learn to drop everything and love. regardless.
3- Engage in Three Days of Clarity.
I am most frustrated when my mind and heart are not on the same page. I am a libra ♎️ so my scales are always finding their own balance. Most of the time, my heart and my mind act as partners, but in dealing with toxic relationships or highly emotional situations, we don't often think clearly or follow our heart as we should (I no longer believe in logic trumping love; oftentimes our hearts know what's best). everyone needs balance. everyone needs to learn how to create synergy between their minds and hearts. but sometimes, we need to set intentions to find this level of clarity amid such cloudiness.
In order to get our minds and hearts on the same page, I recommend participating in what I call 3 days of clarity: three days to listen only to our minds and hearts and decide how we will move forward with said situation. i do this all the time. three days of clarity will by no means give you complete closure over the situation - if it was that easy, I wouldn't be writing about it. These days are for disengaging completely with the cause of your stress, and taking time to listen to what your mind and heart are telling you to do. write. meditate. pray. do what you do. give yourself permission to falter in these three days, but know that you will be making a decision on day 3. without fail, By the end of day 3, I always know what direction to take. it won't make it hurt less, won't make it an easier mountain to climb, this process just allows you to block out the noise and let your mind and heart agree on a roadmap. sometimes, a little direction is all we need.
when your mind and heart decide on a roadmap, there's no turning back. congratulations, you are on your way to complete closure.
in an ideal situation, your loved one can help you get the closure you need. but when we are dealing with people who are not whole or things that are inherently toxic, situations are rarely ideal, and it is unrealistic to expect this level of connectedness and positivity from that inherently broken source. the good news is that you have everything you need within you to create the closure and healing that you are looking for. when you forgive and forget, drop everything and love, and allow yourself three days of clarity, you are giving yourself permission to come out of your situation as a better, more whole individual.
and when you master the art of creating your own closure, well my love, the sky is the limit. 🔙🔛🔝🔜