DailyRi 010: How Knowing My Worth Taught Me Effective Negotiation ft. My Business RiViews
I CAN BE A PRETTY EFFECTIVE NEGOTIATOR, BUT I DIDN’T LEARN THAT IN SCHOOL.
BUSINESS SCHOOL TAUGHT ME THAT I DIDN’T NEED BUSINESS SCHOOL TO TEACH ME NEGOTIATION.
i learned how to be an effective negotiator the moment i realized what i was worth. all of my most effective negotiations relied on an unwavering understanding of my value & a willingness to walk away from anyone or anything that didn’t honor or complement my worth.
last quarter, i took a course called Managing People & Organizations, & a couple of our lessons covered negotiation. the tactics we learned focused on how to effectively negotiate business deals, but the entire time, i just kept thinking about how negotiations inform relationships (that’s what business deals are, right?). while people in the business world may settle for a lower salary than they deserve or deal with work dynamics that are unfair or hostile, plenty of us in our day to day lives deal with relationship dynamics (romantic or otherwise) that do not honor our self worth. i was certainly one of those people.
I SETTLED FOR LESS THAN I DESERVED BECAUSE I DID NOT BELIEVE I DESERVED MORE THAN WHAT WAS BEING OFFERED. I COULDN’T SEE MY SITUATION AS DEMEANING OR UNFAIR BECAUSE, FUNDAMENTALLY, I BELIEVED THAT’S ALL I WAS WORTH.
in any negotiation, there is something called the BATNA (best alternative to a negotiated agreement). we may be asking our employer for a $10,000 raise but secretly be willing to stay if they offered $7,500. we strategically ask for more than our settling point in hopes that the person will take us up on our inflated offer. the BATNA represents the true standard that we have for that agreement/partnership, & the bare minimum we are willing to accept before we walk away.
in short, effective negotiation relies on this guideline: that even (& especially) when we don’t believe we are worthy, we must create the illusion that we do.
this translates directly to interpersonal relationships: most of us are so misled on the value we bring to our relationships that we fail to even ask for the bare minimum, & we surely do not have the confidence to add tax & interest. sometimes, even those of us who do muster the courage to set these expectations end up being too afraid to walk away when they aren’t being met. so the other party involved calls our bluff, over and over again, & we relinquish all negotiating power.
learning about negotiation made me realize that a lot of the things that make a person successful in business are the same qualities, mindsets, tactics that would make a person successful in day to day relationship dynamics: empathy, self awareness, self worth, authenticity, etc. i am going to continue to take little tidbits from what i’m learning in school, & apply them to seemingly unrelated topics on wellness & self love. those kinds of posts will be tagged under business riviews.