DailyRi 004: I Know What I Want
I USED TO THINK I DIDN’T KNOW WHAT I WANTED.
DAILYRi 004: I Know What I Want
I wrote this journal entry four years ago on this exact topic:
2.24.15 | 10:59 PM
i used to think my issue was that I didn't know what i wanted: personally, romantically, professionally, etc. i felt that I kept switching it up, unable to find a medium between my natural ability to think ahead, and my inclination to dwell in the past. i now understand how untrue that sentiment is. i know what i want. i’ve always known what I wanted. i know what i want before it even enters my life a lot of the time. i guess the issue i’m trying to reconcile today is whether or not i should want the things i want. better yet, when/if i do realize that I shouldn't want a certain something or someone, i’m unable to convince myself out of my desire.
it felt really good to proclaim that i’ve always known what i’ve wanted - to give credit where it’s due. i knew i wanted to pursue teach for america before i even got to college, i knew going into teaching that it would be a springboard to a career that would enable me to make more widespread impact on young people, i knew i wanted to pursue business school for eight years before ross, and, in some aspects, i can pretty vividly envision my life 10, 20 and even 30 years out. ya girl has a 6 year long notes section dedicated to her future husband.
I KNOW WHAT I WANT.
& i’ve always been a visionary, so i’m done doubting how well i know myself.
but the part that 22 year old ri was trying to reconcile in that entry is if i should want the things that i want. i was beginning to understand the true power of manifestation, but i was left wondering if i was manifesting the right things. at the time, i really wasn’t. while my professional pursuits have pretty much always been aligned, my personal choices were not in alignment with my purpose. i wanted things that, deep down inside, i knew were not good for me. the people i wanted around me were not compatible with my vision.
today, i don’t care if someone or something is compatible with the current me; i care if they are compatible with the woman i am working to become.
THAT’S THE ONLY ENERGY I WANT AROUND ME NOWADAYS.