#TBT: How To Change Your Life By Separating the "Seeds" and the "Weeds"



if i have learned anything since starting this blog (& i've learned a whole lot), it's that there is no in between.

(but more on that in a minute)

first things first: this post is a bit different in that, instead of directly addressing everyday relationships, it relies on a gardening metaphor to which we can and should all apply to our day to day lives. our lives are the garden, and well...the rest will be obvious as you read along.

and now a few disclaimers: self reflection takes time and energy and it may not be pretty. growing pains are real. sometimes unearthing and uprooting negativity will hurt so bad that the pain will have us wondering if we're even doing the right thing. in these moments of pain and progress, we must trust the process, trust god, and trust our emotions. and i ask that you trust me - if there is anything under the sun that i'm experienced in, it's changing my whole life.



no. not that root. not him or her or them. not even that thing that happened to you or those issues left unresolved. we're definitely getting deeper, but we need to keep going. we should keep digging until we cannot dig anymore. then we should drop the shovel and reflect for a few days, then pick the shovel back up and see if there is still more to dig up. writing helps with the honesty. dig and write and write and dig. 

i'm so serious. and i know i have no clue what your complication is like. i don't even know what it is. and that's exactly my point: i don't need to know all of that to know this: 

any complicated relationship (with a thing or a person or anything in between) is symptomatic of a deeper complication - the relationship we have with ourselves. 

so we must dig, dig, dig, reflect/write, and dig until we can ensure we have figured out the root of this complicated relationship we have with ourselves. why are we settling for a complication when we know we hate it? what deeply rooted issue are we afraid to face? what is causing all of this? identify the root before moving further - even if it takes a year. dig until you've unearthed it entirely. 

2. fertilize with empathy

after we've unearthed it, take a moment to understand it. sit with it. sometimes the root takes us by surprise. it's okay to be surprised. it's okay to feel the pain, digging hurts, after all. but before moving forward, we must forgive ourselves for the time spent stacking soil on top of this toxic root. we must forgive ourselves for growing weeds on fertile ground. it's okay. understand that digging is hard work, and that the hardest part to healing is actually over - we have identified the root causes of our complication. we have held ourselves accountable.

but just as seeds require the sun, accountability work requires empathy. 

we must empathize with all parts of ourselves, even the weeds that we are getting ready to uproot. understand that they are symptomatic of the complicated relationship that we have had with ourselves. understand that it's all up from here. we are getting ready for a new life, and that requires empathy for the old one. we need to make sure our ground is more fertile than ever. we must love ourselves through this transition, or we will just be planting more seeds of toxicity, self-loathing and negativity. plant seeds of love. forgiveness. understanding. when we fertilize, we call out our fears and claim our intentions to get past them. fertilize with empathy. fertilize often.

3. uproot the weeds

next, we must re-evaluate all things and categorize them under "seeds" or "weeds" (there is no in between). we are getting ready to enter a new life, so this could get tricky. revisit my earlier post on toxic relationships for help distinguishing between the two. the most deceiving/toxic things/people/habits will have us believing they are neutral or harmless. so we keep them in our space not realizing that they are the main sources of our drainage. be wary of all things here. 

regardless how fertile our ground is, the weeds will continue to suck the life out of everything we are trying to grow if we do not get rid of them entirely. it is imperative that we get rid of them before moving forward. and this doesn't have to be a harsh, aggressive or hostile process.

after all, it's not personal - it's purposeful.

we can be gentle through this release process, but we must commit to releasing ourselves from all weeds as soon as possible. all things should be up for re-evaluation here: habits, people, mindsets, media, food, etc. they were part of an old life and they no longer have a place in our new one. they were part of our process, but they have reached their expiration. it's time to let them go.

4. plant new seeds

now that we've uprooted the weeds, we can see how our old seeds are benefitting from this cleanse. they are growing and flourishing. we are now ready to plant new seeds. these could be more of the same habits, people, energies, mindsets that we've already decided to keep, or they can be entirely new things we want to introduce into our lives. 

we are getting ready to create a beautiful garden, but we must be particularly particular about which seeds to plant.

this new life that we have cultivated may crave for some entirely new seeds (different experiences, habits, people, etc.) - that is normal, as this marks our transition. be open minded, but proceed with caution. our garden is still vulnerable, after all. we must be sure that our seeds can grow to fruition before introducing too many into the mix. we must trust the process, give each plant the attention and love it needs and always, always keep the health of our gardens top of mind. 

5. keep gardening

the work never stops. but now that we're here, we can see how worthwhile this work is, so we are committed to it entirely. instead of wasting our energy on weeds, now, 100% of our energy is being used to help us grow and blossom into the beautiful gardens that we are. our mere presence inspires others to grow and bloom in these same ways, too.

our work is no longer just about us.

so we must keep gardening. every here and there, we will have to uproot a seed that becomes a weed - that's natural. new experiences and times will bring about new needs. but now that we are in the constant state of gardening, we will seldom have to dig like we did back at step #1 (and if, for whatever reason, we do - we are equipped with the tools to do so). we are in the constant state of evaluating all things and ensuring we are only exerting energy on the seeds. 


so again, 1. identify the root causes of whatever it is we are trying to change; 2. fertilize with empathy and forgive ourselves for the time spent living in negativity; 3. uproot the weeds, or anything and everything that is not positively serving us; 4. plant new seeds in the form of positive people, media, habits, etc. and lastly we must 5. keep gardening, because this work is never-ending and oh so worthwhile. 

remember LOVE, YOU ARE ALREADY A BEAUTIFUL, LUSH, BREATHTAKING GARDEN (all the seeds are already in your hands), 


only love,


Rima FadlallahComment