Year of "Yes:" More on Getting Out of Our Own Way
LAST WEEK, I WROTE A POST CALLED 5 SIGNS WE ARE GETTING IN OUR OWN WAY AND HOW TO STOP.
you should read it.
this post is a little different. I want to explain why we need to get out of our own way. why learning to say "yes" to the things that scare us is so much more urgent than us and our feelings. this topic happens to be deeply personal for me. i am right in the midst of getting out of my own way. i'm not completely there, but i know i'll get there.
i've written a lot on my struggles with the imposter syndrome (feeling like we don't belong, like we are unworthy of our accomplishments, positions, opportunities, etc.). the imposter syndrome permeated every relationship i had - it even prevented me from getting closer to god. needless to say, my new life had no room for such a debilitating, toxic mindset.
my writing and reflections have helped me tremendously. since i committed to getting rid of the imposter syndrome, it has been a challenging, but deeply gratifying uphill battle. the climb is getting more and more difficult, but i feel myself getting stronger and stronger.
I KNOW YOU CAN RISE ABOVE WHATEVER IS HOLDING YOU BACK, TOO.
here is how my process is going. just know that it's not linear. there is not a day where i am not doing all four of these things. i still have blind spots. i still need to forgive myself. they don't always occur in order, which is why i haven't numbered them. i am confident that, by following them, they can help you pursue your purpose.
IDENTIFY BLIND SPOTS
the scariest and most unfortunate thing about standing in our own way is that this often creates a blind spot for us. we are so used to standing there, that we don't even realize what kind of life we could be living if we would just let ourselves pursue our purpose. we are so used to pointing blame externally, that we don't take time to look inwardly and ensure our minds and hearts are in the right place. mindset is everything. the #1 way to get out of our own way is to re-evaluate our mindsets and habits. get deep. get serious. get real. identify any blind spots, and then swipe left on anything and anyone that isn't serving us.
i just (finally) started reading Shonda Rhimes' "The Year of Yes." This book had been recommended to me several times over the past year, but divine timing is everything. In this book, Rhimes commits to saying "yes" to any and all opportunities that scare her and make her uncomfortable. she discusses the ways in which she was standing in her own way and didn't even realize it (hence, blindspots). so, she decides to say yes for an entire year. We should do the same. Growth is uncomfortable. Here is a list of scary and uncomfortable things I have already said "yes" to:
asking questions at public events whenever i have them (used to be terrified of "sounding stupid" in front of large crowds)
pursuing any and all speaking engagements or facilitation opportunities (used to think i was unqualified)
working out in the early AMS (just had a fixed mindset about my ability to do so)
taking my business/brand to the next level by adding it to my resume and getting ready to monetize it (i wasn't taking myself seriously)
Publicizing my health journey and making public commitments via my #riUp2k18 plan (used to be afraid of public failure)
FORGIVE ourselves OFTEN
our journeys are not easy. growth is painful. internal work brings with it reconciliation of a whole lot of pain, trauma, grief, unresolved feelings, you name it. but it is oh so worth all of it. we must make this process as easy on our hearts as possible. we must forgive ourselves for the years we spent being anyone other than our best selves. we must empathize with the pain we have endured. we must forgive ourselves for the people we may have hurt in the process. we are starting a new life now, and that requires forgiving ourselves for the old one.
CELEBRATE our DAMN selves
listen. celebrate your damn self. purpose work is such a deeply personal thing. we can graciously accept applause from whoever decides to give it to us, but we certainly shouldn't wait on it. we must applaud ourselves. committing to get out of our own ways and allow ourselves to pursue our purpose will likely be the most important transition we will ever make. we are opening ourselves up to god, to service, to creating an impact on the world around us. we deserve all the applause, and we will need it as our journeys get more and more challenging.