Tired of "It's Complicated?" 5 Steps to Un-complicate "It" Right Now
"IT'S COMPLICATED" RELATIONSHIPS ARE AWFULLY COMMON NOWADAYS.
*emphasis on awfully*
if you clicked on this link, chances are you think they're awful too. if you're completely cool with your complication, then you're lying to yourself like i was, or you're in the wrong place and should be devoting all of your energy towards continuing to complicate things - because you already know how QUICK THAT ENERGY GOES.
anyway. i'm not judging anyone. I just hate complicated things, and think we all deserve better. 🤷🏻♀️
put simply, i enjoy the simple things. i've become an expert at simplifying things, & i would love to help others live simpler lives, too.
HERE ARE FIVE SIMPLE STEPS TO UN-COMPLICATING IT - WHATEVER "IT" IS:
1. know your worth
this is #1 and #100 at the same time. in order to ensure we are adequately un-complicating it, we must know our worth at all phases of the process. if we do not know our worth, we should seriously stop reading this post (because it will honestly be pointless) and immediately read four ways to make sure we know our worth. before we can un-complicate it, we need to know our worth, yesterday.
we cannot advance to #2-#5 until we know what we are worth. there is no way we could set a standard for a relationship if we are not seeing ourselves for who we are and what we deserve. after all, the relationship we have with ourselves dictates the relationships we have with anyone and anything else.
once we are positive that we know what we're worth, advance to #2.
2. decide what you need - be sure of this
we have the right to need things. i'm willing to bet that we are in a complicated relationship because we a.) are unsure what we need in a significant other; b.) have not made those things clear to our complication (more on that in a sec); or c.) are unwilling to walk away once we've made them clear but the needs aren't being met (in which case, we get bumped back to #1 and should really figure out what we're worth).
anyway, if it's a., then we're in the right place. after we've determined what we are worth, we must get very deliberate about our needs. shoot, we can even get deliberate about our "wants." we know what we're worth, so we know that we deserve to be this picky and specific about the things we look for in another person. we can even write them down if it helps. regardless, we must know them good and well and review them often. this will be the rubric we use to assess people, so we must be sure our needs are really needs.
once we are positive about our needs and wants, advance to #3.
3. make your wants/needs clear
now that we've made sure we know what we need (and even what we want), we need to make those things clear to the other person. if we are embarrassed or ashamed of seeming "needy," we are automatically bumped back up to #1 and encouraged to revisit our self-worth because those of us who know what we're worth are not afraid of being "needy." we all have needs, and we are absolutely unafraid to ask for them to be met - especially if we intend to give our space and time to that other person (meeting our needs and trying to meet our "wants" is literally the least they can do).
making our wants and needs clear also gives the other person the benefit of the doubt. who knows, maybe some of us are in a complication because we haven't made those things clear - thus not giving that other person the chance to un-complicate things on their own. maybe they are equally frustrated with the complications, but don't know what to do. regardless how much someone knows us, nobody is a mind-reader. we must be deliberate, specific and vocal about our wants and needs so that we can give the other person a chance to show up.
once we've made our needs/wants clear, advance to #4.
4. Stay/walk away
so we make our needs clear and they:
a.) SHOW UP AS THE PERSON OF OUR WILDEST DREAMS
great! we are no longer in a complication and we should decide to stay. hopefully we continue meeting one another's needs.
but wait - it's not happily ever after yet, advance to #5.
b.) FALL SHORT OF MEETING OUR NEEDS
it's time to walk away. there are no ifs ands or buts about it here. regardless how much we like them, when someone fails to meet our basic needs, we must let them go. if we decide to stay, we are directly undermining our self worth (and as i'm sure you've guessed, we should really go revisit #1 and learn more about what we're worth). but really though, we can love them all day, but if they cannot give us what we need, how could we stay without losing ourselves?
it's not personal, it's purposeful. this is quite literally how we un-complicate it: they are either for us, or they're not. stay at #4 until we find someone who can meet our needs, then advance to #5.
we all grow and change. we should be proud of our growth. if we've made it here, we have decided that our person meets our needs. we are no longer involved in a complication because we have successfully un-complicated it. but sometimes, we outgrow one another, sometimes we just grow apart, which is why this ongoing "repeat" process is vital.
there may come a day when your "person" no longer meets your needs. where things get complicated again. there may come a day when our needs change. there may even come a day (i really hope not) when we forget who we are and what we're worth. repeating this process is imperative to ensure that we are living complication-free. we deserve the freedom to grow without having to apologize for it.
complications are so overrated and glorified these days.
love is hard work.
but it doesn't need to be complicated.
our most intimate relationships SHOULD reflect the most important relationship (that we have with god) and honor the second most important relationship (that we have with ourselves).
AND LOVE, WE CAN HONOR THESE RELATIONSHIPS BY DECIDING TO UN-COMPLICATE IT - WHATEVER "IT" IS - RIGHT NOW.