#FlawsAndAll: Why I Stopped Wearing Makeup

I'VE BEEN MAKEUP FREE FOR OVER A WEEK NOW AND I'M NOT STOPPING ANYTIME SOON.

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In the past, i'd go without make-up for months, but admittedly, I'd only feel comfortable doing this in the summer, when my complexion was tan. In the winter though, I get pale AF and I wouldn't dare be seen in public without some tinted moisturizer. My pale skin has been an insecurity of mine for as long as I can remember, and I'm definitely pretty pale at the moment.

*Cue casper the friendly ghost jokes* 👻

SO IF IT MAKES ME THIS INSECURE, WHY STOP THE MAKEUP? 

Well, I've been reading a life-changing book called Wholeness by Touré Roberts (if you follow me on IG, it's the book I've been posting compulsively to my story that so many of you have asked me about). Anyway, the book has me reflecting on all of the [many] ways in which I'm broken and in need of healing. identifying these areas has been so eye-opening: I have so much work to do on my journey to wholeness. one of my more significant areas of brokenness is in how preoccupied i am with my image, all the time. it turns out, my level of self-acceptance (and whether i believe that others will accept me) comes directly from my image. upon deeper reflection, i've learned that this insecurity - at least in my case - is symptomatic of something called the imposter syndrome, and most of my areas of brokenness seem to stem from this psychological phenomenon. 

but that's a whole other blog post in the making.

in terms of my image, on any given day, there is always a "look" i'm going for, and all of these different looks fall under the "she's-natural-and-didn't-try-too-hard-to-look-this-good" category, but man...sometimes i feel like we try the hardest when we want to look like we didn't. i was trying hard for sure: I would make sure my lashes were long enough but still natural-looking; i'd make sure my skin tone was even - not too pale, not too caked. i'd touch up on my brows with liner so they were even but i'd keep the scar poppin' just to add some character, and if i was really feeling myself, i'd make sure that my contour was highlighting my cheekbones just right. give me enough time to get ready and i swear i'd keep finding things to do with my face. and that's cool. there is absolutely nothing wrong with makeup. i love it. i have fun with it for sure. and i definitely love how i look in it. 

i just need to love how i look without it, too. and right now, i definitely don't.

there is something seriously wrong with not loving how you look at your purest, most natural state. this lack of self-love is symptomatic of a serious area of brokenness. it's high-key abuse.

but This season of my life is all about growing into the person I know I am supposed to be, and this next phase in my life no longer has room for this level of brokenness. 

in touré roberts' words, i'm finally ready to "take wholeness by the hand and run forward."

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So I decided to run towards wholeness with this brave, bare face, flaws and all, regardless where I'm going or who I'm seeing along the way. i've been in hollywood for the past month, around some of the best looking people in the world, and tomorrow, i'll be back in dearborn, home to the most beautiful people in the world. i have people to see, places to be. and in two weeks, i'll be taking a trip to miami, where there will be too many opportunities for pre-planned #takemeback posts disguised as picturesque moments. (let's just all be honest here). anyway, i say all this to say, there will always be a lot going on, and i'll never truly be ready to feel less beautiful. i don't think any of us would ever feel ready to intentionally put ourselves in positions to feel less-than. but i'm willing to put myself through temporary trials if it propels me towards my purpose.

and to all of you loving on me with the "you look beautiful with or without make-up" comments: thank you! i'm looking forward to believing the same about myself. but i'll have you know that as soon as I decided on this commitment, my face broke out like never before. And I mean like...bad. these blemishes did not discriminate: they invaded my forehead, my chin, and even made themselves comfortable in the corners my mouth.

I legit almost went back on my decision when I woke up and saw what i looked like.

But I keep the promises I make to myself, so I decided to look at this breakout as an opportunity for a breakthrough. 

I already feel so empowered.

PIMPLES & ALL 🤣

i'm still so far from being whole in this regard, but i know this decision has me moving steadily in the right direction. it is so liberating to know that pretty soon, i can be naturally me, in every way i know how: physically, mentally, spiritually. and that i'll love and accept myself in my purest state. because, after all, the issue really is about self-acceptance. it always has been. it's a me vs. me thing every day. those people i used to think were staring at me everywhere i went? the times i'd tell myself i wasn't enough for some but too much for others? the stories I would create about myself because i didn't fit a certain "look" or image? all of that noise in my head - what touré roberts refers to as our storyteller - is really just symptomatic of judgments i had been feeling about myself.

what reason would i have to care about what anyone else thought if i wasn't thinking those very same things myself?

 extremely profound excerpt from the #wholenessbook

extremely profound excerpt from the #wholenessbook

what does your storyteller say about you? in what areas are you broken? what makes you feel most vulnerable, most insecure?  how can you go about achieving wholeness right now?

I would love to see you pursue your journey to wholeness too. 

LET'S GET THE INSPIRATION GOING.

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if you're up for my wholeness challenge, follow these simple steps:

1- on your social media platforms, post a picture of your beautiful bare face

(or anything about your natural physical state that makes you feel particularly vulnerable i.e. body image; natural nails; scars; etc.)

2- in the caption or the comments, use "#FLAWSANDALL" and feel free to share your story

3- Tag three people you love and challenge them to support the movement towards self-acceptance and self-love at our purest form.

and the movement won't stop here. in the next month, i'll be doing a series of image-related challenges to ensure i'm truly getting at every root of my brokenness.

& YOU WILL ALWAYS BE WELCOME TO ACCOMPANY ME ON MY ROAD TO WHOLENESS.

only love,

ri