Why Your Peace of Mind is More Important
YOUR PEACE OF MIND IS MORE IMPORTANT.
I don't even care to know what we're comparing it to - I don't need to know. your peace of mind is more important than anything and everything in the world. your significant other, your not-so significant others, your kids - yes your kids, your parents, your job, your friends, your addictions.
I know I can sound a bit extreme, especially to my fellow "givers" reading this. you know, the ones who will give everything they have to those they love... hey 👋🏼 I'm sure you'd be surprised to find out that I'm one of you. very much so. I'd give the shirt off my back if it meant clothing someone in need.
I learned this about myself quickly when I became an educator. I loved my students so much, so fast. my love for them was actually a huge source of anxiety and stress to me, so much that my mental health took a toll as a result of me prioritizing my students ahead of myself.
if this sounds like you - if you prioritize the people you love over yourself - understand this:
you will never be all that you can be for them if you aren't taking care of yourself. you will never give them the quality of love that you can if you were loving yourself. you will never be able to make them feel secure if you're not. and, frankly, you will be leading by a horrible example if you do not learn to protect your peace of mind.
my mommy taught me how to protect my peace of mind. she put all of us first for years and years and years until recently, she put her foot down and decided that she needed to prioritize herself. I remember this turning point most saliently once a few years back. my dad was overseas and my sister and I were doing the dishes. suddenly, the pipe under the sink burst and my sister and I were struggling to contain the water spilling out.
we immediately called to my mom who was sitting comfortably on the couch watching her favorite show. she didn't even look up, and calmly reminded us:
"you know this is my zone-out time, figure it out by yourselves."
my little sister was shook to say the least 😂 but honestly, I respected it so much. after we figured it out by ourselves (because us kids always will), I remember reflecting on that moment, realizing my mom was doing something pretty revolutionary by designating a specific zone-out time every evening where nobody could bother her. she set her boundary and we were forced to respect it. I loved it so much.
my mom could have went back on her word, got up and catered to us, but what she did instead set such a strong example for her young daughters. watching my mom do what is best for her over and over again while still being a kickass mom makes her an even better mom. not only was she able to give us more this way, but she was leading by example.
LEAD BY EXAMPLE - PROTECT YOUR PEACE OF MIND.
others will figure it out, I promise.
when I was setting boundaries after releasing a particular toxic relationship, I saved him in my phone under "your peace of mind is more important." these not so subtle reminders really help me focus on my focus: me and my mental health. every time i'd get a text or call from this number, i was reminded that i needed to prioritize my peace of mind and mental health over the feelings that i had for that other person.
PUT SIMPLY, I NEEDED TO CHOOSE "ME" OVER "THEM."
you should too.
anyone who gets upset, feels entitled, tries to guilt trip you about doing what's best for you needs to go. seriously. I am convinced that if they love you, the space will encourage them to focus on themselves in this same way too. you can't be good for someone else if you're no good to yourself. and if they do not understand that, then that is an extremely clear sign that they were weeds who will forever drain you (because that's what they're used to). and, while weeds can certainly become seeds one day, they absolutely cannot make this transition while they are still used to having you there as their life-supply. setting yourself free will set them free, too. regardless what they say.
YOUR PEACE OF MIND IS MORE IMPORTANT, 110% OF THE TIME.
LOVE, IF NOT FOR YOURSELF, THEN LEAD BY EXAMPLE. PRIORITIZE YOUR PEACE OF MIND SO YOU CAN ENCOURAGE THOSE WATCHING TO DO THE SAME.